It’s award season in the Trump administration. Give the man another trophy: A scotch-taped tribute to the Man Who Put the ‘Gross’ in Gross Domestic Product

Donald Trump has been recognised by the American business community, the American coal industry, the Republicans and the patriots, and one Venezuelan Nobel laureate, but he has not been honoured by the American fashion community, yet. In fact, we think they owe him an award. If the Fédération Internationale de Football Association (FIFA) can give him a peace prize, why can’t the Council of Fashion Designers of America (CFDA) offer him a trophy for contributions to American fashion? Since the start of his second term, during which he has been on a healthy diet of immense praise, Mr Trump has received the Apple Plaque (August 2025) from Tim Cook for a US$100 billion deal; the FIFA Peace Prize (December 2025) from Gianni Infantino for, well, world peace; the shared Nobel Peace Prize (January 2026) by Maria Corina Machado, who gave him her medal for, well, more world peace, and The Coal Champion prize (February 2026) from the Washington Coal Club for getting the military to buy coal that very same day. And, just hours ago, the “very first America First Award”, as Mike Johnson proudly declared. What a beautiful museum of inaugurals.

There is something inspiring about a president who can be so readily awarded within less than a year in office. The ‘inaugural’ has indeed had a very good run, leading to the America First Award, the very first, no less. According to Mr Johnson, “the president has done so much for the American people” and they “want to honour him in some small way, some token of appreciation for his leadership”. Mr Trump gladly received that award in the shape of a predatory bald eagle mid-flight, presented during the National Republican Congressional Committee’s (NRCC) annual fundraising dinner, just a day after he sent ICE agents to American airports to relieve the border-control workers, unpaid due to the on-going part government shutdown, now in its 42nd day. A paycheck the relief is insistently not. It is wonderfully galling of anyone to put up such a remarkable display of priorities. How marvelous it must be that the symbol of the eagle is far more important than the solvency of the agency it represents. Nothing quite says freedom more than a soaring symbol of liberty bestowed in a moment defined by paralysis and unsalaried labour. As Mr Johnson described it, this is America’s ”Golden Era”.

There is something inspiring about a president who can be so readily awarded within less than a year.

If the tech titans and coal barons can commission statues and plaques, why has the American fashion establishment remained so tenaciously bashful? Or had it just not been able to beat everyone else to it, except moving New York Fashion Week ahead of the others? For a man whose silhouette has remained as immoveable as a federal regulation, it is time for the CFDA to step up, just as FIFA did, with admirable élan. They need to acknowledge that their president has done more for the standing of American fashion than his wife ever did. Her immaculate tailoring just can’t beat the defiled, especially when it’s enhanced by the world’s finest Roman tailoring. His one red tie alone, framed by a lumpy suit, has the power to animate and galvanise his people, above all his cabinet and the many laudable sycophants occupying the same space as he does. It is well established that POTUS love the inaugural award. CDFA, we urge you, come up with something. The Red Tie Award perhaps? And what might that be for? Consistent branding, of course—a tribute to the only vertical axis in Washington that hasn’t collapsed under the weight of a partial shutdown or, in particular, an uncalled for war. You see, by accepting ‘first-of-its-kind’ honours, the recipient creates a new historical baseline where he is the standard-bearer. It’s a brilliant way to bypass the gatekeepers of traditional prestige, is it not?

It does not only honours brand consistency, it salutes image uniformity, social cohesion, and peace making. This award would, of course, be the first in history to include a built-in dispenser of Scotch tape—the silent, adhesive partner in his branding that ensures the tie stays in place even when everything else around the recipient has collapsed. This is also a monument to tacky loyalty. He who accepts need not thank his many lackeys. The award includes the entourage for they have kept the brand intact. It would be debut at the dazzling CFDA annual gala and the inaugural trophy would be presented by none other than Anna Wintour, who has now regretted the decision to not invite the Trumps to the Met Gala. The award itself is in pure gold, but carefully splashed with red paint by a debt collector of an American Ah Long (阿窿, loan shark). Such a beauty is the ultimate participation trophy for those who refuse to participate in the conventions of fit, finish, or fiscal flair. The recipient avoids the baggage of previous winners. He isn’t joining a list of past recipients; he is the sole standard by which the award is defined. It is a ‘limited edition’ drop, as we have seen in fashion. It derives its value not from recorded history. In fact, the significance of the Red Tie Award is that it has no historical value because it has no historical precedent.

Illustration: Just So