Donald Trump fawned over Nicki Minaj at the White House recently. Yep, the rapper is a fawnee for hire

For her Republican runway rebrand, Nicki Minaj appeared at the White House just last month as a corpulent Yeti. Her coat was all-white, perhaps to better suit the venue. A furry apology of a silhouette, it was probably worn so that Ms Minaj would not appear too slim in the presence of the man of the House. The coat came with a plain-weave fabric belt, but it was not fastened to define her waist. It went across the back, but fell to her sides, which from one angle, looked like it was some kind of harness secured to enhance her posterior. Under the coat was a pleated, high-neck Alaïa dress in the shade of unripe pineapple. Perhaps freezing Washington could use some Piña Colada cheer.

The sentient pom-pom certainly caught the president’s fancy. In a White House appearance to mark Black History Month, Donald Trump raved about her with the giddiness of a teenager who’d just been acknowledged by a pop star and mistaken a fleeting glance for a lifelong bond. He told the audience gleefully: “I said, ‘Nicki, you’re so beautiful.’ Her nails are like that long, I said, ‘Nicki are they real?’ She didn’t want to get into that. But she was so beautiful and so great and she gets it, more importantly.” He saw her face and touched her hand, the total surface area was sufficient for him to come to the conclusion that his fave star of the moment has terrific skin barrier. Craggy Bruce Springsteen should find himself a dermatologist.

The big, beautiful Trump Gold Card. Photo: nickiminaj/X

But while Trump was distracted by the aesthetics of her epidermis and fake keratinised plates, Minaj was focused on the fine print. Following her White House furball debut, she shared on her socials, an image of a ‘Trump Gold Card’, a 2025 executive order that lets the global elite skip the line and buy the American Dream for a cool million—non-refundable, of course. But Ms Minaj had hers “free-of-charge”, she triumphantly declared. It was a door gift, and only she received it (or needed it?). The image showed the card on the white fur and underscored by the much-admired nails that were half the length of the oblong plastic and could have been Qing women’s 护指 (huzhi or, literally, finger protection). When you were trading for a fast-tracked citizenship, you let the man with the pen go crazy over your cuticles.

A citizen of Trinidad and Tobago, and now a concubine of the Republican harem, Ms Minaj could feel more secure about her residency status. After her recent pivot to the MAGA movement and appearing with unabashed glee at the Turning Point USA’s AmericaFest convention, many wanted her deported. In fact, multiple petitions have already gathered over 120,000 signatures, calling for her to be sent back. But the White House later described the card she received as a “memento”. The door gift. Just like another freebie offered to her that same day: a signed bible that she called “one of the most meaningful gifts I’ve ever received in my entire lif”. Donald Trump is not the author of the bible. Why did he sign it as if he were? A bible is not authored by any one person; it’s a sacred text, traditionally beyond individual ownership or branding. But here we have his signature on the leather cover. A president’s autograph turned the word of god to a souvenir of one man. And one woman relished it.