Nikki Glaser strutted onto the stage at the Beverly Hilton Hotel with her opening monologue, reminding us that the Golden Globes is not the Oscars. And that silver dress!

Nikki Glaser called it “Ozempic’s biggest night” but did not reveal if she was applauding the weight-loss drug for how it has helped her glide into the form-fitting silver Zuhair Murad dress. The host of this year’s Golden Globes Awards—and the first female stand-up to do so or the first female to do it solo—welcomed the night in a gown that could have been worn by the third choice of a bridesmaid at a country club wedding. For the opening monologue, she said, “I gotta say, this feel like I’ve finally made it. I’m in a room full of producers at the Beverley Hilton hotel, and this time, all of my clothes are on.” Except that her boobs threatened to burst out of her V-neck that could barely contain them. Sure, it was her belated #metoo moment, but why wear something that could have been discarded by Jennifer Aniston in 1995.

The halterneck dress that was long enough to reveal her Jimmy Choo shoes is also reminiscent of what Margo Robbie wore last year except that it was not in pink and Ms Glaser did not drape herself with a ruffled stole. We weren’t expecting Zendaya (although the comedian-host did try on the red carpet in Prabal Gurung), but neither were we hoping for this level of Florida socialite (party at Mar-a-Lago?). Ms Glaser, who was also nominated in the best performance in a stand-up comedy on television for her show Someday You’ll Die, wore some eight different looks (or nine? But who’s counting?!) for her hosting gig. All of them were of the same silhouette as her first outfit (there was another silver number later), except the even more unflattering Naeem Khan fit-and-flare gown with a slit to there. She closed the show with a (long-sleeved!) leopard print dress by New York brand LaPointe, proving that taste can’t be acquired in one award show.

We weren’t expecting Zendaya, but neither were we hoping for this level of Florida socialite (party at Mar-a-Lago?)

Early media reviews considered her performance laudable, with the LA Times saying she “delivered a good time”, which, for award shows, usually means at the attendees’ expense. Apparently, Ms Glaser had told herself not to do the Blake Lively-Justin Baldoni scandal, but it was totally okay to have a go at someone who’s incarcerated. “And Challengers, girl? Oh my God, it was so good. I mean, that movie was more sexually charged than Diddy’s credit card. I mean, seriously… Oh, no, no, I’m upset too. The after-party is not going to be as good this year.” And that was not enough, she really had to flog the horse: “A ‘Stanley Tucci Freak-Off’ doesn’t have the same ring to it—no baby oil this year, just lots of olive oil.” Is it a wonder her roast has been called “disgusting”?

Nikki Glaser started as stand-up comedian and became popular for her roast material— especially 2024’s The Roast of Tom Brady on Netflix. As host on the Golden Globe, she is arguably better than last year’s Jo Koy, whose opening monologue was so dreadful that when the reception was not what he had expected, he snapped at the audience: “I got the gig ten days ago! You want a perfect monologue? Yo, shut up! You’re kidding me, right?” Ms Glaser said on the red carpet earlier in the evening that she practiced her jokes for the night 93 times. But her jab at Ben Affleck (who did not attend)—was it called for? “Tonight we celebrate the best of film,” she deadpanned. “Wicked. Queer. Nightbitch. These are not just words Affleck yells after he orgasms.” Who was she speaking for? Jennifer Lopez? A male host referring to an actress and her sexual climax would definitely not be able to get away with it.

Screen shot (top): goldenglobes/YouTube