Did it really bloom—this Garden of Time—on the steps of the Metropolitan Museum of Art?

The gown to floor. Screen shot: vogue/Instagram

This year’s Costume Institute exhibition is titled Sleeping Beauty: Reawakening Fashion, but on the red carpet (cream/green this year), it was a much easier-to-wear dress code: The Garden of Time—also the title of the 1962 J.G. Ballard short story that inspired the theme. Or, to some of us, time to chuckle. That the dress code is different from the theme of the exhibition was perhaps to help those attendees for whom a dress code that is merely formal is too unchallenging and one more abstract, such as last year’s Blurred Lines of Beauty, too incomprehensible, hence undoable. But even with an easier dominant idea, there were those who came dressed in literal interpretations, in whatever, or the bigger the better.

Only on the Met Gala carpet would you wear a gown that requires some eight men to help lift it up so that you are able to walk and ascend the stairway. Cardi B (top) needed that assistance, so did Gigi Hadid. Even the singer Tyla in a slimmer dress required a lift—she was hoisted by one of the suited male helpers onto a landing somewhere on the stairs. Is a dress that is hard for the wearer to walk in well-designed enough to be celebrated? And only on this no-fixed-colour carpet that, even when many were complaining of the heat, do attendees wear more than a layer, from Kim Kardashian’s shrug of a cardigan to Rebecca Ferguson’s massive cloak. As the general belief goes, you have to suffer for fashion.

Is a dress that is hard for the wearer to walk in well-designed enough to be celebrated?

On the steps of the Met Gala, it has always been the more outrageous, the better. But there is good outrageous and there is bad outrageous. And there is the plain ridiculous. While this year, there was no Moschino’s “chandelier dress” courtesy of Kathy Perry (2019’s Camp: Notes on Fashion) or underwear and body paint of Lil Nas X (last year’s The Blurred Lines of Beauty), and surprisingly no one came as a bouquet (not even Gigi Hadid, who could have worn what she did on the runway for Moschino’s 2018 spring/summer show), there was enough garden-equals-flowers indiscrimination for a buang-suay (get rid of ill luck) flower bath.

Prior to this evening’s horticultural dress show, there was the threat that Condé Nast staffers were going to protest in front of the Metropolitan Museum of Art. But a union contract drawn up and confirmed at the last minute meant that a potentially embarrassing picket line was averted. Yet, it was not all-clear for the Met Gala. According to USA Today, pro-Palestinian protestors—supposedly students from the nearby Hunter College—marched through Central Park towards the site of the Met Gala in an attempt to cause traffic disruption to the approaching attendees. The protestors were apparently blocked by the police force from going further.

There was a delectable irony between what was happening inside and what was brewing outside, as well as the Met Gala dress code and the grim short story from which the former drew its walk-on-the-carpet theme. “From the terrace,” Mr Ballard wrote about his protagonist Count Axel, “he could see over the wall to the plain beyond… a vast confused throng of people.” If you have a fertile imagination, the garden of the Count could be metaphor for a privileged life coming to an end when an unhappy mop of the working class—“some laboured under heavy loads suspended from crude yokes around their necks, others struggled with cumbersome wooden carts, their hands wrenching at the wheel spokes”—approached the residence to confront the bourgeois inhabitants. What did the marching students think Anna Wintour and her guests were?

The Queen Bee

Anna Wintour in Loewe. Photo: Getty Images

Was Anna Wintour channeling English novelist J.G. Ballard’s Count Axel in The Garden of Time—“imperious figure in a black… jacket”? She looked rather uncharacteristic in the Loewe ensemble (taking a break from her usual Chanel couture, but since Loewe is one of the sponsors of the night, unsurprising); her least appealing Met Gala look to date: a slim white gown and a slender, floor-length evening coat, embroidered/beaded with colourful 3-D flowers that had a National Day mass-display vibe about them. From her perch at the top of the stairway, which could easily be the Count’s terrace from where he examined his garden and the “approaching rabble”, hers, we imagine, was similar to “his expression, aloof yet observant”.

A Pair of very Different Co-Chairs

Zendaya and Jennifer Lopez. Photos: Getty Images

It is not clear what Jennifer Lopez (for that matter, Chris Hemsworth, too) was doing as co-chair of the Met Gala, but there she was, looking as JLo (not Mrs Affleck) as ever in the ‘nude’ Schiaparelli body-hugger. Ms Lopez, like Ms Wintour, has limited silhouettes when it comes to evening dresses. She appeared no different from the looks she adopted in the past, such as in the Zuhair Murad dress she wore to the Vanity Fair Oscar Party in 2015: more shrink-wrapped than slinky. Zendaya in Maison Margiela, by contrast, was rather the wood nymph we think she was trying to project, complete with a hummingbird (or was that the fictional Mockingjay?) on her neck. But, unfortunately, that one outfit was not enough. She reappeared on the carpet in a John Galliano-era Givenchy coat/dress (and plonked a bouquet on her head to tie in the evening’s theme)—a wicked witch who eats nymphs.

Those who could not Walk, Unaided

Gigi Hadid, Cardi B and Tyla. Photos: Getty Images

Cardi B came as Ashes of Time, in a cloud of soot that is best described to be in the colour of charcoal. She was, as it appeared, the last to arrive (at least on the livestream). As Rihanna did not attend this year (reportedly because she contracted flu), the Bodak Yellow rapper was trying to do with her cumbersome Windowsen confection what the former did with her Guo Pei “omelette”. Just as hard to manage was Gigi Hadid’s Thom Browne gown of an oddly old-fashioned silhouette. While the skirt did not match Cardi B’s in terms of how much of the walkway it covered, it required manual assistance for Ms Hadid to move about. But it was the South African singer Tyla who needed the most help. Her Balmain gown—made of real sand(!) so she could play Clayface’s bride?—was so constricted and heavy that she could not even take a step up. A minder hoisted her, holding her waist, like visual merchandisers might with helpless mannequins.

They went Back in Time

Nicole Kidman and Lana Del Ray. Photos: Getty Images

It is not surprising that there would be those who looked to the past for inspiration. We are not talking about vintage gowns (which were not absent), but those “reinterpreted” for the night. Nicole Kidman, a “friend of Balenciaga”, chose a look from the ’50s that Cristobal Balenciaga designed. A black-and-white gown was hardly about the garden (or time), but neither was the foolish white opera gloves, perhaps missing a pair of shears. Lana Del Ray picked an Alexander McQueen number from fall 2009, now restyled by Seán McGirr, complete with the netted, face-blurring headpiece (instead of draped lace of the original) to form a clumsy ensemble that looked even more so on the carpet. Was Ms Del Ray afraid of mosquitoes in the Garden she was traipsing?

They were Pelted with Flowers

Cynthia Erivo, Jordan Roth, Jessica Serfaty. Photos: Getty Images

In some of the looks, we wondered if the wearers stood against a wall in the completed garments and then fabric flowers were hurled at them to see where they landed, and stuck. Whether it was Cynthia Erivo in Thom Browne or Jordan Roth in Valentino, or actress Jessica Serfaty in Dolce & Gabbana, all of them looked like bad appliqué gone worse. Most dreadful was the florally festooned cloak on Ms Serfaty who looked like a walking landfill of fake flowers that no other atelier wanted to use.

The Terrarium Girls

Nicki Minaj and Amelia Gray Hamlin. Photos: Getty Images

We were thinking that Undercover’s terrarium dress from spring/summer 2024 would make an appearance (it is, in fact, on the cover of the commemorative book), but we told ourselves no actress or popstar would be forward-thinking enough to wear it. Then, model Amelia Gray Hamlin appeared, looking like she had nothing better to wear on a bad-hair day than a bustier with a skirt (unlit) filled with roses, proving that what looked good on the runway may not have the same effect on a red—or ombre—carpet. Taking on a similar silhouette was Nicki Minaj in an open terrarium of a Marni dress, with artfully placed flowers that looked like glass blooms of a Dale Chihuly installation. Cute is not an inaccurate description for her.

Those in ‘Nude’ Dresses

Emily Ratajkowski and Kim Kardashian. Photos: Getty Images

The ‘nude’ dress on the red carpet should be as tired as its opposite, the princess dress. But no matter how boring they have become, there are those who would not be comfortable if their whole buttocks do not come into full view. Model/actress Emily Ratajkowski, in “archival” Atelier Versace (2021), once again did what she has been good at: bared her backside. A nude dress on Ms Ratajkowski is like a pink dress on Barbie—as exciting as Kim Kardashian showing off her booty that once broke the Internet. There was no mistaking her, even in Maison Margiela (she moved up!). Ms Kardshian loves placing her left hand on her hips to accentuate (or draw attention) to her exaggerated curves and she continued to do it, without cue.

The Twosome in Balenciaga Foil

Serena Williams and Michelle Yeoh. Photos Getty Images

One looked like a partially unwrapped Ferrero Rocher, the other, a 药材鸡 (yaocaiji)—herbal chicken. Could they be the uneaten, tossed into the garden? Interestingly (maybe not), both were dressed by Balenciaga. It looked like Demna Gvasalia and his team did not know what to do with Serena Williams, so they swathed her in gold foil and hoped for the best. On Michelle Yeoh, they felt they needed to go a divergent route from the hulky black coat she wore to the White House just days ago, so now heavy-duty Reynolds Wrap was their best bet.

The Cleavage Clique

Naomi Campbell and Rachel Zegler. Photos: Getty Images

Garden? Pass. It is understandable that Naomi Campbell would think that as Naomi Campbell, her mere appearance, regardless of what she wore, was good enough. The dress code be damned! Besides, would Anna Wintour dare chastise her? So the full-time model turned up in a ho-hum, low-cut fringed dress by Burberry that, if unidentified, could have come from Karen Millen. When in doubt, let the cleavage do the talking? That’s what Rachel Zegler probably thought too when she strutted in a very deep-V halter dress by Michael Kors that made Vanna White’s Wheel of Fortune gowns look positively high fashion.

Two who did not have Time to Finish Dressing

Michelle Williams and Jennie Kim. Photos: Getty Images

Michelle Williams did not look especially comfortable on the bi-coloured carpet. Was it because she did not feel sufficiently dressed? Or, garden-ly? We understand that it takes a lot of times to get ready for the Met Gala, but accepting an outfit—Chanel, no less—that looked like an incomplete wedding dress was really pushing it. The poor actress was shortchanged and she did not realise it. Not to be outdone was Jennie Kim in royal-blue Alaia. Partially wrapped, Ms Kim appeared as if she dashed out in middle of a fitting. Even the belly-dancer stomach charm did little to make her appear fully dressed.

Three From Not-Enchanted Forest

Lizzo, Rita Ora, and Brie Larson. Photos: Getty Images

We don’t know why anyone would want to look like the trunk of Enid Blyton’s The Faraway Tree, but Lizzo, in Victor Weinsanto, sure did. Although she has been laying somewhat low since being sued last year by her back-up dancers, she now appeared unfazed and embraced the tree spirit of Middle Earth. Or, why anyone would want to wear a beaded door curtain as Rita Ora did. Her Marni sheer bodysuit, on which rows of apparently very ancient beads strung like drapery for doorways to boudoirs, was sad imitative nude. Or, why anyone would want to come with a food cover as a skirt, but Brie Larson did. Her sheer Prada dress over an opaque deep-red underdress was, at a glance, a mesh food tent over a roll of salami.

The T-Shirt-Is-Good-Enough Duo

Doja Cat and Charli XCX. Photos: Getty Images

Nothing was more casual than Lil Nas X wearing only his briefs at last year’s event? Apparently not. Songkran is over in Thailand (and her neighbouring countries), but Doja Cat, in Vetements, won’t let go of the wet-T-shirt-during-water-fights-on-Kaosan-Road look. And so that you had no doubts that she was not gunning for Miss Songkran (unlike one Fan Bingbing), her eye make-up was suitably streaked. The connection to the theme? Someone emptied a watering can on her. Although a lot drier, British singer Charli XCX was no less cotton jersey-clad, only hers, a composition of vintage tees, were terribly holed and really beggared description. Was she, unlike everyone else, attempting to be one among J.G. Ballard’s “confused throng”, who managed to find her way in? Or was the Met Gala truly inclusive sartorially, even when all attendees’ outfits needed the approval of one grand dame?

Updated (8 May 2024, 09:30): We previously misidentified Michelle Williams’s dress